With billions of us humans on earth it's incredible to see how we are all connected and similar in many ways. At the same time we are all individuals with our own opinions, thoughts and values. At times, we can feel so strongly about something that it could blind us from seeing the bigger picture or taking into account that there's more than one way to approach the situation. Perhaps if we took a moment to step into the other person's shoes we will see where that person is coming from and by doing so it will make all the difference.

What is empathy? Learn about 3 types of empathy

It’s late on a Friday night and you’re relaxing after a hectic week, reading your favorite book when your phone rings.  It’s a close friend calling in a panic because she’s just lost her job. “Don’t worry, you’ll find another soon,” you say, “besides, you knew your company was having financial problems, didn’t you expect this? Why are you so upset now?” There’s a stunned silence on the other end of the line, followed by a dropped call. You did not show any empathy.

You thought you were trying to comfort her so what went wrong? Without first empathizing with her, and listening to her concerns, you might have done more harm than good.

So, what is empathy? It’s the ability to understand another person’s thoughts and feelings in a situation from their point of view, rather than your own. It differs from sympathy, where one is moved by the thoughts and feelings of another but maintains an emotional distance.

Empathy is an enormous concept. Renowned psychologists Daniel Goleman and Paul Ekman have identified three components of empathy: Cognitive, Emotional and Compassionate. We will briefly discuss them below. By learning how to empathize with your friends, coworkers, and those around you, using these three types of empathy, you build stronger relationships and trust. 

Cognitive: “Simply knowing how the other person feels and what they might be thinking. Sometimes called perspective-taking.”

If you imagine yourself in your friend’s shoes, you know she is likely to be feeling sad, as well as anxious because she relies on that income to pay her student loans. However, having only cognitive empathy keeps you at a distance from your friend. To truly connect with your friend, you need to share their feelings. This is where emotional empathy comes in.

Emotional: “When you feel physically along with the other person, as though their emotions were contagious.”

This type of empathy can also extend to physical sensations, which is why we cringe when someone else stubs their toe. In this case, you would look inwards to identify a situation where you were similarly anxious about the future. The situation itself need not be identical, as each individual is different. What’s important is that the emotions resulting from the situation are the same. 

So, you’ve successfully understood what your friend is feeling, and put yourself in a similar emotional space. Now what? Well, you can use the insights gleaned from Cognitive and Emotional empathy to have Compassionate Empathy.

Compassionate: “With this kind of empathy we not only understand a person’s predicament and feel with them, but are spontaneously moved to help, if needed.”

It is the balance between Cognitive and Emotional Empathy that enables us to act without being overcome with feeling or jumping straight into a problem solving process.

 Tony V.